i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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