I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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