She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
