guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
