I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
