And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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