I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
