Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
