i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
