I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
