So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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