Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
