i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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