Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
