well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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