Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
