A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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