woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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