So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
