a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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