thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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