My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
