By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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