I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
