bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We just shotgunned beers for America
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
