If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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