I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
