i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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