fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
