is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
