well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
