I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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