whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
