I feel great
I just peed on a car
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
