Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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