It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize