were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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