Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
