Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
