This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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