There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
