But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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