my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dick very happy bro
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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