Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
