thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
