seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
