I cockslap morals
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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