I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
