He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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