my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
