I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my liver is dry heaving
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
