At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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