You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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