Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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