Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
