Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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