who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
