Your favorite bartender is back from prision
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
