Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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