am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
COCAINE IS GR8
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
