Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
