when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
