I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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