FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
